2 years ago…to now

I really need to write more here… When I am in therapy I often use “2 years ago” as a comparative point. Two years ago I had just moved here with my family. I was in a job that was temporary. I was still severely grieving the loss of my affair. I was trying too […]


A while ago I downloaded an app called “Whisper”. It let’s people post whatever they want anonymously. It was interesting. But also dangerous to my mental health. There is very little that was positive in it. I just ended up judging and feeling judged. It just wasn’t a healthy place for me. I’m in a […]

First time “wanting” in a long time…

Life has been pretty normal for me lately (boring in the bipolar sense…which is good). I am traveling this weekend though and, for the first time in a long time, I’m feeling the urge to be with a woman (who is not my wife). I feel pretty shitty about this…for a couple of reasons: It’s […]

My night ruined by a wrong number

As I was taking a nap, my wife got a text from a girl/woman with pics for the guy with her (my wife’s number). Given my history, this freaked out my wife (understandably). I have reassured her and told her how much I love her and value her. She’s so far down though. It hurts […]

Down day

It was bound to happen. I had several “up” days in a row. Days where I was in a good mood, days when I felt like life was pretty rad. That started coming to an end yesterday. I didn’t take my Vyvanse on Saturday because my script ran out and I didn’t make it the […]

Feeling like a failure

So, right now I am feeling like a failure…a guy who has wasted his potential…or maybe one who never even had some. I am 38 years old (which you know). I have a college education from a public university. And here I am…middle management. For some reason, this feels like “failure’ to me. I was […]